Teen Siblings

The teenage years are tumultuous at the best of times; with the added complication of disability in a family, this can be exacerbated.

Adolescent siblings often face a complex set of challenges. They may grapple with assuming caregiving roles, balancing responsibilities, and coping with social isolation due to societal misunderstandings. Emotionally, witnessing their brother or sister’s struggles can evoke a range of feelings, including sadness or guilt. Educational challenges, financial strain, and concerns about future caregiving responsibilities also weigh on these teenagers. Advocacy for their sibling within various systems may be necessary, requiring maturity beyond their years.


Despite these difficulties, many siblings develop unique strengths and resilience through their experiences. Building a support network, fostering open communication within the family, and accessing resources can aid teenagers in navigating these challenges.

Section 1: The potential impact on siblings

The main aims of adolescence are for young people to develop their identity and independence. Connections with family and peers are especially important during this time but, for some siblings, family circumstances make it difficult to move into healthy, secure adulthood. Communication with family might be difficult, especially as they try to balance contribution to family with their own need for independence. They might struggle to assert their own identity and, at the same time, feel quite different to their peers in terms of experience, needs and responsibility.

As they become older, siblings can worry about the support roles they, as siblings, may need to play in the future. There may be guilt and concerns around moving away from the family home, pursuing relationships or an education or career. One of the most common concerns is relating to the care needs of a sibling once the parents or caregiver becomes less able to provide care or dies and what this means for life plans and relationshipsREF.

Section 2: A case Study

Lucy, a 14-year-old teenager, has an older brother, Tom, who is 16 and is autistic. They reside in a home with their parents and maintain connections with two sets of grandparents. The challenges faced by the family have evolved as the siblings navigate the complexities of adolescence.

Tom’s behavior has become increasingly challenging to manage during his teenage years. Communication remains a significant hurdle for him, leading to frequent emotional meltdowns, likely triggered by overstimulation and frustration. The dynamics have shifted, and the morning routine has become even more demanding for the family as they strive to prepare for work and school. The stress is palpable, setting a tense tone for the entire day.

Just as in their childhood, Lucy often finds herself in the role of a mentor and coach to her brother. However, the demands of adolescence have introduced new layers of complexity. Lucy grapples with mixed emotions as she perceives her brother’s struggles with connection and communication. There are times when she questions whether Tom loves her, given his limited responses to her attempts at connection.

Adding to her emotional turmoil, Lucy feels increasingly isolated as her mother dedicates a significant amount of time taking Tom to therapy appointments, making her feel left out. Her interactions at school have become more challenging as her peers, now teenagers, mock Tom. Lucy is torn between embarrassment and a deep desire to protect her brother from hurtful comments. These experiences have taken a toll on her, leading to a reluctance to attend school and social activities, and a gradual withdrawal from trying to engage with her brother.

Lucy sometimes yearns for a more typical sibling relationship, similar to what she observes in her friend’s brothers. However, she is haunted by guilt for harboring such feelings. As she navigates the complexities of adolescence, Lucy grapples with conflicting emotions, feeling torn between her love for her brother and a longing for a more “normal” sibling experience.

Meanwhile, Lucy’s parents continue to feel overwhelmed by the demands of managing their family, balancing work responsibilities, and ensuring Tom receives the necessary therapy. They have a Support Coordinator involved, helping them with the NDIS, yet they still find it challenging to access the resources they believe Tom needs to reach his potential. The pressure to provide him with comprehensive therapy intensifies, leaving little room for discussions about the overall needs of the family.

Over time, Lucy becomes more isolated and resentful as the family’s focus remains primarily on Tom’s needs. Her parents, struggling to find a balance, feel the weight of the challenges associated with raising a teenager with autism, often feeling overlooked in terms of their own needs and the well-being of their family unit.

Recognising and supporting siblings is vital for families and therefore it is vital for service providers. Siblings often navigate unique challenges that can impact their well-being. Acknowledging and addressing their needs alongside those of your clients fosters a more inclusive and compassionate approach, contributing to the overall resilience of families and communities. By extending support to both your clients and their siblings, you can play a crucial role in promoting a whole-of-family approach to your practice.

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